I felt like challenging my mind, so I was reading a woman’s magazine, and stumbled upon an article about choosing the right bathing suit. And it made me wonder: ‘How dumb do they think we are?!’
Because they offered this tip:
‘Need a new bathing suit? Don’t buy a model that is too tight, because that won’t look pretty.’
At first I felt quite insulted, but then I got over it. After all, I live with five kids, I get insulted all the time. Then I got to thinking: I can do that! This may be a whole new career for me. Kicking in doors that are already open, offering advice that everybody already knows. Because apparently there’s a market for it. And I’m jumping in!
But before I get all rich and famous, I’ll offer you guys some freebies!
- Is your energy bill frighteningly high? Try being more frugal.
- Need a dress? Don’t pick one that is too short. People might see your panties.
- Are you meeting someone? Be sure to get there on time, otherwise you’ll be late.
- Having a dinner party? Make sure you’ve got everything you need.
- Is it raining outside? Put on your coat, or you may get wet.
- Out of toiletpaper? Go out and buy some new toiletpaper, or you might have to do a Colin, No Impact Man, Beaven and use your right hand.
- Is your gas running low? Make sure to fill it up, otherwise you might run out. Probably on a deserted dirt track, with Freddy Krueger roaming nearby.
- Is the grass on your lawn so high you can’t see your neighbours’ house anymore? Take out your lawnmower and mow it.
- Do you always end up with no money, at the end of the month? Try spending a little less.
- Are you always caught unaware by the kids having yet another unexpected day off from school? You may as well get used to it, because there’s nothing you can do about it. You might want to take a mild sedative.
I’m just waiting for the phone to ring, and for House and Garden or a similar magazine, asking me to come and work for them, and provide them with even more of these useful tips!