1. You use spit to clean up your kids, and the windows.
2. You’re a regular on home.com, because you’re desperate for a house to come on the market in Teletubbieland. You really want to live there, because of the peace and quiet.
3. You have thighs of steel, because you always pee hanging above the toilet, since the toilet seat is always wet with kid’s wee.
4. You talk about yourself in the third person, and share way too much information: ‘Mommy has to take a shit’.
5. You feel you have a right to a handicapped parking spot. After all, you carry a buggy, a baby and three fighting toddlers.
6. Holidays mean more work, instead of R and R.
7. You’re leafing through the Yellow Pages, looking for this contracter called Bob the Builder, to build an annex to your house. Because you’ve heard such good things about him!
8. You wear Birkenstocks and skirts with elastic waistbands: anything for a bit of comfort.
9. You jump whenever you hear ‘Mommyyyyy!’, even if it’s not your kid.
10. When you hear an ambulance your heart starts racing.
11. You can pee with three people looking on, while having a deep conversation about the Tower of Pisa made from toilet roles.
How do you know, you’re a mom?!