How do you celebrate someone's birthday who's no longer there?


On January the 18th my daughter Lucy would have turned 26.

How do you celebrate the birthday of someone who is no longer walking this earth?

Who will be 25 forever?

I find some comfort in Donna Ashworth's poem: 'Don't miss me more'.

Don't miss me more by Donna Ashworth

‘Don’t miss me more than once a day, 

For life is moving fast. 

Don’t wish all of your time away, 

Dreaming of the past. 


Don’t waste the moment looking at, 

The things I left behind me. 

I’m not within those walls or boxes 

The heart is where you’ll find me. 

Don’t dread to say my name, sweet one, 

Don’t fear the wrath of sadness. 

Just take the love you had for me, 

And turn it into gladness. 


Don’t worry when my birthday comes 

Don’t feel me missing more. 

I’m filled with love you’re sending me, 

Just as I was before.

Some days your anger will rush out, 

Your tears will find their way. 

To me, wherever I am then. 

I’ll soothe them all away. 


When I am gone don’t miss me more, 

Than once, or twice a day. 

There’s so much life to live, my love. 

I’m with you, all the way.’ 

Donna Ashworth - Loss.

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11 reacties

  1. That's a beautiful poem. I love Donna Ashworth's poems - they speak so well about the realities of living with grief. I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter, Lucy, and I hope that Lucy's birthday was as gentle as it could have been for you. It is so hard marking birthdays when someone is no longer here with us. My daughter Jessica died when she was 6 and we've had five birthdays now without her. We mark the day by taking her birthday cake to her forever bed and having a picnic there with her, remembering our beautiful memories. Sending love from one bereaved mum to another x #WotW

  2. I am so sorry for your loss. I really appreciate the poem you shared. I still dwell too much thinking about my mom who passed 6 years ago. I still have boxes of her things and loved the part of the poem that tells me I should get rid of them. We celebrate my mom by having Japanese food on her birthday. She was Japanese. I came to your blog to see how you celebrate a loved ones birthday. I hope it wasn't too hard for you.

  3. I love the words of Donna Asworth, I read a lot of her poems. I'm so sorry for your loss but I know that words can never express the true sadness of helping someone with their grief. x

  4. Thank you so much for your words and sharing the poem. I struggle some days with grief and every time, uplifting words like yours help.

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