Why? Because.

I was sitting at the therapist's office with my eldest son. He was diagnosed with PDD-NOS when he was eleven, and when he hit puberty he had some trouble remembering the meaning of life.

Of course I tóld him what the meaning of life was, but he wasn't impressed. So I took him so see a therapist to help him see the light. Unfortunately the therapist thought it was a good idea if I sat in on their sessions. So there I sat, my toes curling in my Uggs with discomfort, while listening to their stilted conversation.

'Well Jan, how are you doing?'
'How do you mean 'fine'?
'Just fine.'
'Why 'fine'?

'Jan, I can't read your mind, because I'm not clairvoyant! So you have to meet me halfway. How do you feel about that?'
'How do you mean 'fine'?
'Just: 'fine'!'
'Why 'fine'?'

I felt like shaking my son and screaming: 'Show some cooperation! You're embarassing me.'
But then suddenly, the therapist turned to me and asked: 'Why are you being so hard on yourself?'
Immediately I felt the prickling of tears, because it's true: I'm constantly being bullied by myself.

'Is it warm in here?' I thought, feeling all hot and bothered, while I wrecked my brain for the right answer. In the end I couldn't think of anything else to say but: 'Because.'

And I looked at my son with a sudden, new understanding.

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